I suppose I should be concerned that I didn't finish the book 13 Things Mentally Strong People Don't Do by Amy Morin. Not completing a 'how-to' manual for success doesn't reflect well on me, I can see that. But I did make it to Chapter 10 - They Don't Give Up After The First Failure. And, I didn't. I picked up Hunger by Roxane Gay. She "addresses the experience of living in a body that she calls wildly undisciplined." I am quite sure that this book exchange says many things about me. But both of these books are a study on consistency; consistency in the truths we create for ourselves and in the truths, we adopt that others create for us. This morning I sat down to write and found myself doing anything but writing. I paid some bills, made some doctors appointments, wrote some emails, put a new filter in the water pitcher, unloaded the dishwasher and perused YouTube. But still, nothing. Procrastination is some combination of feeling overwhelmed, not knowing where to begin and distraction. I think the opposite in action of procrastination is consistency. In the latter one is at ease, directed and focused. I don't know what the official definition of consistency is but my definition is as follows: A prolonged commitment of effort squared. In any event, it was clear my mind was going to do its own thing for the moment.
My solution for a wandering or procrastinating mind has remained the same for the last 36 years. I put on my running shoes and slip out the front door. The act of running quickly pulls me to focus. I am immediately drawn to the task of movement, to the trees, the dappled light on the path, the trudge uphill and the freedom released downhill and my lungs filling full with air. My feet pace along the path and lure my mind to a calmer rhythm. On the run I took today, I thought about how I have been intentionally running since I was 14 years old. Before that, I was a child of energy and industry set free on rural, Texas land. Running has been part of my life for as long as I can remember. My daily intention is to try to be mentally strong like Amy Morin suggests. But sometimes I find myself wildly undisciplined as Roxane Gay models. I intend to do the best I can on my diet, my exercise, my job, my finances, and my relationships but sometimes I'm just over it. I simply commit to doing what I can. The next opportunity to do better will arrive along with my next breath. I learned the hard way that my next breath is best whispering encouraging words. In the past, one 'crazy-town' day of eating had me tossing my long-term goal to be healthy out the window. Obviously, I was never going to be able to make this happen. This didn't yield....well, anything. Sameness was my truth. You are unhealthy, you try to be healthy but you fail, you are still unhealthy.
Change happens only if there is a change. That change often starts in one's thought process. Instead of giving up when I failed, I had to forgive my mistakes and consistently offer myself another chance. The narrative goes something like this, 'True, your decision wasn't ideal for your intended outcome. But this mistake does not give you permission you give up on the whole shebang. You will try to do better on the next meal, next workout, next assignment, next conversation, next action, next thought'. With this, getting back up and trying again becomes a repetitive action and opens the door to consistency squared.
A. I intend to do my best.
B. When that doesn't happen, I forgive myself.
C. I try to do better next time.
I realize this idea may look as fundamental as the ABC's. That's because it is. But for many, it is as complex as engineering a bridge. Look behind many failed and abandoned intentions and low self-esteem is sure to be mixed up in that heap of dreams. Low-self esteem is the closest cousin to self-doubt. Sometimes certain aspirations just aren't possible. Perhaps there are physical, financial, geographical, cultural or educational elements that make success elusive. But it is worth a very careful study of any situation for emotional limitations. Indeed one may find them lurking within the seemingly elusive elements we have believed we face. Dents in our self-esteem can blur our vision of ourselves and what we believe we are capable of.
Honestly, a bit of self-love has to be folded into consistency because we are all going to fail sometimes. If failure opens the floodgates to ill self-speech and assurances that we are failures in totality, ain't nobody movin' forward. Consistency allows us to pick ourselves up, give ourselves another chance and it does so repeatedly. Consistency is the action that insists you are worth the effort. Consistency has got your back. It says, 'I believe in you, try again, you can do this.'
Consistency of any kind takes time, it takes a commitment. I have been able to sustain a healthy vegetarian/vegan diet for more than 32 years because the payoffs are awesome! I am either a martyr of saintly proportions or there is something of great ease in eating well. I committed to being better than before and it is sustainable for me. Was it fun trying to clean up my diet in my late teens? No, it was horrible and frustrating and completely foreign. But none of this was any worse than how I already felt and I knew I didn't want to feel unhealthy anymore. I moved past the pain of making better food choices and moved on to a sustainable lifestyle. I feel like a million bucks. I am far better now at age 50 than I ever was at just 18 years old. I am fitter, stronger, happier.
In January of this year, I decided to try an experiment in light of my commitment to be more gentle with my body and move towards simplicity. The experiment consists of doing a handful of exercises before each shower I take throughout the year. Hair stylists come home wearing tiny hairs from the days work, exercisers sweat, meticulous people aspire to get into a clean bed with a clean body nightly. Here are my daily exercises.
12 pushups
12 squats
25 sit-ups
This takes less than 1 minute and I am on to my shower feeling surprisingly better. Here is the power of consistency, 1 year later I will have completed:
4,380 pushups
4,380 squats
9,125 sit-ups
All of that with almost no effort, just slipped in under the radar like secretly adding spinach to a kids smoothie. That kid won't even realize she is having a serving of her daily vegetables. Will, she still need grains, legumes, and other vegetables and will I still need cardio? Yes, unequivocally. But it doesn't hurt to fortify.
This is just for fun of course. But consistency can add up in some significant ways. I was a stressed, distracted parent in the past but I kept trying to be present and effective. I put unrealistic expectations on my marriage at first but I kept trying to work on me so I wouldn't destroy the love I have with Brent. I was gravely unhealthy as a young adult but I kept trying to improve my choices towards a healthy lifestyle. I was in credit card debt in my youth but I kept trying and paid it off. I let my low self-esteem tell me what I would never be able to accomplish but I kept trying and began to feel my power.
We are all going to experience the truth of our lives. We are wildly varied people with not so varied needs. We need love to thrive. We can let others create a loveless truth for us or just drift into the definition we happen to be standing nearest. This definition is not likely to fit nor be authentic. Our lives are all going to unfold differently. Some may appear more Monet and others more Picasso; some may be more mentally strong and others more wildly undisciplined; some procrastinating and some consistently squared and everything in between. Whether you have a hand in your own story or let it be directed by others or set it adrift, that story will stand as yours. Gretchen Rubin - Better Than Before https://www.amazon.com/spark/ref=nav_upnav_merged_T1_Search
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